Advice For Alienated Parents During The Holidays-5 Empowering Tips

Your Mindset Can Change Your Parent Alienation Situation
October 25, 2016
Support Group
March 31, 2021

There is no doubt about it, coping with the holiday season when you are a divorced “Targeted Parent” can be summed up in one word: maddening.   Deciding where the kids are going to be and with whom can be very difficult to manage. In addition, your children are feeling pulled between two different homes.  Everyone’s stress level in through the roof and you don’t know how to get through this difficult time.  Does this sound familiar to you? It should if you are a targeted parent experiencing “parent alienation” during the holidays.

It is the time of year in my coaching practice where the phones are ringing off the hook with divorced parents in need of help and guidance during the holiday season.  No surprise to me here. The holidays bring up a great deal of feelings for alienated parents.  Many alienated parents report feeling, depressed, stressed and hopeless. Other parents are hoping for a miracle where they will make a major breakthrough with their children.

I cannot promise you that a miracle will occur with your children this holiday season. What I can do is urge you to have a positive impact on your children’s lives in a different way. Even though the holidays are really difficult for you, remember you are a survivor and you can survive this time of year.

Here are 5 tips to survive the holiday season as an “Alienated Parent”

  1. Put Your Children First: If the alienating parent is making it extremely difficult for you to see your children, make sure you do your job of keeping them out of the middle. Put your kids first. As hard as it is, refrain from placing them in the place to choose between you and the alienator.
  1. Focus on the time you have: Do not get caught up on how much time you have with your children. Focus on the quality of time you will spend together. Find a way to make your time meaningful and special.
  1. Be Flexible: Compromise with the alienator. Yes you heard me. If you cannot manage to arrange to see your children on the exact holiday date, celebrate a day later. Believe me, the exact date is probably more important to you than your kids. This also creates a special day for all of you.
  1. Take Care Of Yourself:  This is extremely important or else you will find yourself curled up in a ball crying through the holiday season. This helps no one; especially you. Get enough sleep, exercise and keep busy. Spend time family and friends if you cannot be with your kids. Be kind to yourself.
  1. Keep Trying: If you cannot see your kids during the holidays, do not give up trying to reach out.  Send gifts or a card. Do not let your anger and disappointment hold you back from contact. In the card write, “I am thinking about you this holiday season and hoping that we can see each other next holiday.” Do not write a card that says, “I am very disappointed that you did not come to see me this year.”

As I have always said, when it comes to parent alienation, it is always the alienated parent that has to do more of the repair work to reconnect with their children.  I wish there was another way to bridge this gap but unfortunately, other methods do not seem to work.

Remember during this holiday season to reach out to your kids even if they say, “I hate you.” Most of the time, they are just repeating what they are being told. Please try to find some comfort in knowing that you are doing everything in your power to reunite with your kids.

We Cure Conflict!


  1. ig says:

    Hey there! Would you mind if I share your blog with my twitter group?
    There’s a lot of folks that I think would really appreciate your content.

    Please let me know. Cheers

  2. Pam Carter says:

    I’ve been alienated from 3 of my children and the 4th child is teetering. We’re to split holidays. Would it be a bad idea to show up on Christmas to the alienators home to see the children?

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