How To Co-Parent After A DivorceAugust 16, 2015
Build Trust After A Traumatic Situation OccursAugust 16, 2015
How Do Men Handle Divorce?
Women turn to chocolate, sappy movies and their girlfriends following a divorce. Where do men turn? They turn to no one, and tend to isolate themselves. Research from The Huffington Post also shows men are more susceptible to risky behaviors after a divorce.
Yes, men have feelings too. You might be surprised to know that moving through a divorce is extremely painful for many men. In fact, it appears that it is very difficult for men to brush off the loss of their spouse, routine and their identity as a husband and full time father. The truth is it does not have to be so hard if you have a plan in place.
4 Ways To Help Men Through A Divorce
- Build Self-Respect
A loss of your marriage, family life and daily routine is a big blow to a man’s self esteem. Simply it is a loss of an identity he had for many years and it needs to be processed and grieved to move forward with your life. It is important to have daily dialogue with yourself regarding the fact that you may not be a husband anymore but you are still a father and your kids need you in their life. Make a promise to yourself to engage in at least a civil relationship with your ex for the sake of your children. Keeping your father role intact from the beginning is essential to keeping your self esteem intact.
- Redefine Your Identity
Who are you now is the big question? You need to take time to do some self exploration of who you want to become as a divorced single man and father if that is the case? As a parenting coach, I often see that many men skip this crucial step and jump into either, I have to fix these issues or I am going to mask my feelings by turning to destructive behaviors. Please make a conscious choice to give yourself the time to figure out who you want to become and clearly define your new roles.
- Learn To Trust Again
It is common to hear from divorced men that they do not know how to trust again when it comes to new relationships. One of the main reasons men leave marriages is because they feel belittled by their spouse. This shatters their sense of trust and safety in becoming involved in new relationships. This may be a reason why some men jump from relationship to relationship following divorce. A better approach is to realize that not every woman out there is just like your ex wife.
- Find The Kind of Relationship You Want
Moving forward into a new relationship following your divorce is difficult. It is a good idea to take time to sit down and make a list of the qualities you are looking for in a person you intend to date. Define what is important to you such as a woman that is kind, compassionate, nurturing, self sufficient etc. This is an important step to take so you do not fall back into old relational patterns.
Overcoming and moving through a divorce is difficult for men and women. It is important to remember that men have feelings too and need time as well to process their feelings and redefine who they will become.
Dr. Sue Cornbluth is a nationally recognized parenting expert in high conflict parenting situations. She is a regular mental health contributor for an array of networks and television shows such as NBC, FOX and CBS. Dr. Sue has also contributed to several national publications. Her new best-selling book,Building Self Esteem in Children and Teens Who Are Adopted or Fostered is available now. To find out more about her work, please visit Dr. Sue’s website.