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February 9, 2016

Parents Have Influence Over Their Kids Self-Esteem

Kids are not born with high or low self-esteem. As parents, we do have some control over influencing our children’s self-worth. I learned this early on when my children were young. When my son was 5 we learned that he had a passion for sports. Instead of watching Bob The Builder, he was watching ESPN. My husband and I suggested he try flag football. He was eager to begin. My son is now 10 years old and still plays football.

Tuning in to what your kids are passionate about helps them build self confidence. Watch what they like to do the most and then invest your time in that activity. It is extremely important to not vicariously live through your child – it does not build confidence but rather creates resentment. Instead, allow your child guide you towards what they take pleasure in.


4 Tips For Raising Your Kids Confidence

  1. Compliments
    When children are young, compliments should be given often. As children become older, compliments should be given mostly for hard work and accomplishing goals.This approach does not suggest that you should not give positive compliments to your children about other things, rather it suggests reducing the compliments you give for things that you expect of them. By approaching complimenting in this way, kids have a better chance of living up to their full potential.
  2. Refrain From Saving Your Child
    When our children are hurting we want to take away their pain. This however may not always be the best approach. For example, if your son is left out of an after school get together and you call the other mother to complain, you are not helping your child. Learning to face social obstacles as kids helps them to understand that a part of life is feeling sad. The best gift you can provide your child in this situation is a good shoulder to cry on and some helpful self-esteem parenting advice.
  3. Let Your Child Make Decisions
    It is extremely important that every child has their own voice. Helping your children to use their voice and make choices from a young age will help them gain confidence in their own decisions. Kids always want to voice their opinions about what they want to do, but having too much say can also feel overwhelming. It is always best to give your child a couple of options to choose from. When they are able to set limits, it helps them to make positive decisions.
  4. Improve Your Own Confidence
    Children’s self esteem is acquired through the relationships they build with others, especially their family members. At all ages, how you feel about yourself affects how you act. When, people feel good about themselves, they are able to accomplish more and get along better with others. You can take steps to boost your own self-esteem, even if you have been holding a poor opinion of yourself since childhood. Without you realizing it, your unresolved self esteem issues could be affecting your child’ self esteem.

Dr. Sue Cornbluth is a nationally recognized parenting expert in high conflict parenting situations. She is a regular mental health contributor for an array of networks and television shows such as NBC, FOX and CBS. Dr. Sue has also contributed to several national publications. Her new best-selling book, Building Self Esteem in Children and Teens Who Are Adopted or Fostered is available now. To find out more about her work, please visit Dr. Sue’s website.

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