Why Your Narcissist Ex Alienates Your Children

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The Difficulties of A High Conflict Divorce

Navigating through a high conflict divorce is extremely difficult. Navigating through a custody battle where you are alienated from your children can seem impossible.  You want instant gratification and you do not know where or whom you should turn to for help. Do these circumstances sound familiar to you?

Every day as a certified parenting coach in high conflict divorce, I hear from parents who are desperate to stop their narcissistic ex from alienating their children. What many people do not understand is that their so-called narcissist ex is doing this for a reason and it is usually because they want something from you.  I always ask my clients , “What does your ex want from you and if he or she got it would they stop all of this chaos?  People usually respond very quickly with , “He or she wants to destroy me.” That may be true but I promise you that is not truly what he or she wants.

If you know anything about narcissism, then you know that narcissists love playing the victim role and see you as the aggressor. They simply do not believe that they have done anything wrong and everything is your fault. Knowing this, there is no point in arguing that you are right and he or she is wrong. You will never win that battle and will waste tons of time, money and energy trying to get something that is impossible.  Instead your narcissist wants to hear that he or she are truly special and amazing.  Yet, so many people keep trying to reason with their  narcissists.  Please stop doing that because I promise you it will not work.


What Your Narcissistic Ex Really Wants Is (Please try to refrain from laughing)

  • Consideration of his or her feelings
    I know you are laughing now but I am serious. When your narcissist see’s you as the aggressor he or she see’s you as having no compassion for what they have gone through.  A little compassion from you will go a long, long way in keeping your narcissist under wraps.
  • You don’t do everything wrong
    You are mad and aggravated with how your ex is treating you and you want to convey that message to him or her. Wrong move with a narcissist. All that does is fuel the fire and provides the narcissist with the chaos he/she desires. Make a choice to relay messages to your ex in a positive way and see what you get back.
  • Apologies
    Yes they want you to say you are sorry. So, if you have a pride problem, please get over it because it is hurting you here in getting what you need from your narcissist. Believe me when I tell you that you were not always an angel in your marriage.  It takes two to get married and two to get divorced.
  • Respect
    Another laughable moment for you I’m sure.  Respect however is what a narcissist wants from you. He or she wants acknowledgment for what they have done right or really for what they think they have done right.

Remember, when your narcissistic ex-spouse does not get what they feel they deserve from you, they become more aggravated and  aggressive.  They feel that they have to punish you for not giving them what they want.  This is turn fuels them to unfortunately play hardball and use your kids as their weapons.

When it comes to parent alienation in high conflict divorces, it is always the alienated parent that has to do the repair work.  This may seem extremely unfair to you, but it is well worth it when you repair your relationship with your alienated children. So please look at these tips as strategies to bring you closer to your children.  Sometimes giving a little helps you gain a lot.

1 Comment

  1. Vincent Skeen says:

    Hi I would like to know if child abuse called alienation can be conquered in cases of where the parents of two siblings have been prevented from seeing their father by the mother?
    In South Africa, we have an astronomical aggressiveness towards fathers who are seeking custody, visitation rights,etc, and although the law stipulates fathers too have equal rights, the counselors and welfare institutions are still working and getting away with the use of previous law.
    We do however have campaigns running starting in Cape Town, yet mother’s don’t give in. Now having said that, it is vica versa and statistics prove that 78% of mothers perform this horrendous act. The problem may relate to unemployment as the saying goes, no money in the front door, love darts out the back door. Here is a ever increasing number of family murders and when investigation is put forward, we learn the father will be controlling this terrable act. Statistics also prove saying, 86% of these crimes are inflicted due to mothers who simply remove children away from fathers and they know they can get away with it. 99% of all welfare institutions are run by women. The fathers will use up every single cent just to allow the paper to be recognised in court. In my home town, suicides of traumatised fathers is in relation to every 10 6 fathers graduate ( suicide). Again i am calling on communities international to assist us however you can. I’m also part of this campaign against alienation and child abuse, have studied narcissistic behaviours and is very well aware of the 9 levels regarding narcissism. Its such a death sentence. We as parents who are head in the hole, need backup immediately. I coach where I can but funds are running a way low. Actually i’m funding from my own pocket. We need permission always to raise donations to forward this world war x and 10 out of 10 times get shut down. So confused. Now i’m also fighting for this as my children also are alienated. Need help please.

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