You Can Get Through The Holidays
There is no doubt about it, coping with the holiday season when you are a divorced "Targeted Parent" can be summed up in one word: maddening. Deciding where the kids are going to be and with whom can be very difficult to manage. In addition, your children are feeling pulled between two different homes. Everyone's stress level is through the roof and you don't know how to get through this difficult time. Does this sound familiar to you? It should if you are a targeted parent experiencing "parent alienation" during the holidays.
It is the time of year in my coaching practice where the phones are ringing off the hook with divorced parents in need of help and guidance during the holiday season. The holidays bring up many feelings for alienated parents. Many alienated parents report feeling, depressed, stressed, and hopeless. Other parents are hoping for a miracle and a breakthrough with their children.
I cannot promise you that a miracle will occur with your children this holiday season. What I can do is urge you to have a positive impact on your children's lives in a different way. Even though the holidays are really difficult for you, remember you are a survivor and you can survive this time of year.
As I have always said, when it comes to parent alienation, it is always the alienated parent that has to do more of the repair work to reconnect with their children. I wish there was another way to bridge this gap but unfortunately, other methods do not seem to work.
Remember during this holiday season to reach out to your kids even if they say, "I hate you." Most of the time, they are just repeating what they are being told. Please try to find some comfort in knowing that you are doing everything in your power to reunite with your kids.
4 Tips To Get Through The Holidays
Put your children first: If the alienating parent is making it extremely difficult for you to see your children, make sure you do your job of keeping them out of the middle. Put your kids first. As hard as it is, refrain from putting them in a place to choose between you and the alienator.
Focus on the time you have: Do not get caught up on how much time you have with your children. Focus on the quality of time you will spend together if that is a possibility. Find a way to make your time meaningful and special.
Be flexible: Compromise with the alienator. Yes, you heard me. If you cannot manage to arrange to see your children on the exact holiday date, celebrate a day later. Believe me, the exact date is probably more important to you than your kids. This also creates a special day for all of you.
Take care of yourself: This is extremely important or else you will find yourself curled up in a ball crying through the holiday season. This helps no one; especially you. Get enough sleep, exercise, and keep busy. Spend time with family and friends if you cannot be with your kids. Be kind to yourself.
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